Obviously, unless you’ve been living under a rock, or are really ridiculously out of the loop, you’ve heard of the Great American Pissing Contest more commonly known as the threat of a government shutdown. This week, I wanted to share with you a great post by Catie Rosekelly, from her blog Just That Awesome. By the end of this post just keep in mind that I have already called dibbs on being the Supreme Chancellor of Badassery. Update: Queen of the Internet is also taken.
This whole budget debacle had turned into a political pissing contest. Seriously. There is a whole department dedicated to making the Federal Budget. It’s their job to make sure people get the money they need while still attempting to live within the country’s means. Both parties need to stop being spoiled little brats and spend smarter. And they need to get along and figure something out. You can’t always get what you want and sometimes you need to realize that reality and ideology do not match up. We don’t have a gajillion dollars to spend on every program, and we cannot just get rid of things leaving citizens in the dark. Our legislators have an obligation to us and they are not fulfilling it. Instead, they would rather play fiscal chicken and see who backs down first. Essentially what both parties are doing is throwing a major temper tantrum that screws over millions of Americans right off the bat.
Like our military. My dear readers know that I have a major soft spot for the service. They HAVE to show up for work because America can’t defend itself from commies and terrorists.( and they swore an oath and all that good patriotic stuff) But they don’t have to get paid right away. Because they can really do their job protecting and serving America while they worry if their families will have enough money for food and rent. That’s cool Congress. Just keep being whiny little brats about this. I am sure they would figure something out really quick if our military decided to walk off the job since they wouldn’t be getting paid.
What a bunch of inefficient jerks.
So in spite of our looming anarchy, I have decided to make a list of things I want to do in case the government shuts down.
1. Declare my Snuggie to be its own country and secede from the Union.
2. Allow gays to get married while residing under my Snuggie. I’m a Reverend and Sovreign and I can do what I please.
3. Put my trash on Rick Scott’s lawn just because he is a jerkface.
4. Let loose hundreds of kittens on Capitol Hill.
5. Declare Fridays to be No Pants Day.
6. Commandeer those sweet leather chairs from Congress and sell them to raise money to help pay out of work federal workers.
7. Tell Gadhafi to suck it and throw water balloons at him.
8. Declare war on Canada and make them into Disney’s Real Wilderness Lodge.
9. Steal a rock from Yellowstone
10. Sell Texas to China in order to repay some of our debt to them.
And once the government comes back on line, given we haven’t sunk into a lawless land that Thomas Hobbes could only imagine, I would dissolve my Great People’s Republic of Sungtopia and repatriate to good ol’ Amuurica.
Originally Published on: Apr 11, 2011 @ 15:18